In short, no radiation or chemo needed at this time, and hopefully ever. Woot woot.
The longer version is that the cancer is exactly where they anticipated it to be. It's microinvasive meaning it's at such an early stage that there is no visible tumour. They won't even stage it at this point. I had a patch of 6 mm x 1mm of cancer tissue on one side of the cervix. The uterus is clear. They feel confident that it was all removed by the surgery I had in April. The recommended course of action is still a full hysterectomy to be done sooner rather than later. I might get more information though when I head back to see her in 3 weeks in which she will have met with her pathology team to discuss the itty-bitty details.
The Team of Experts behind my recovery
During this time, I will be referred to the gynecologist that will be performing the hysterectomy to discuss the surgery approach as well as then booking this in. From what she was saying, it could be anytime from now until the early Fall. The oncologist team won't do the surgery themselves because in their gyne-cancer world, I am not sick enough which would result in my constantly getting bumped - which is music to my ears. Therefore the run of the mill gynecologist will do. They are recommending me for a radical which means the whole kit and kaboodle (cervix, uterus, fallopian tubes, ovaries).
Also in the mean time, I am being referred to CHEO Genetics, once again, to get genetic testing to find out about any gene mutations that could cause other cancers such as ovarian/breast. Some of you know that a year back, I tried to get genetic testing to see if I had the gene mutation BRCA1 or BRCA2 which heightens your chances of ever developing breast cancer and ovarian cancer and because of the full family history, I was not considered at that much more of a risk than the general public of developing these types of cancers. Well, now with these developments to my own health, it is recommended to find out if a mutation is present and then we will have more information moving forward. Even with a radical hysterectomy, you could still develop cancers such as peritoneal which my mom had in the end (and is not a pleasant or positive one). So having this piece of info will be good for me to have, as well as my family/kids.
And eventually, I will have to be referred to a menopausal specialist/counselor to discuss all the complications that can arise from early menopause and also any plan on treatment or hormone therapy. I don't know too much about this stuff so this will be informative. Apparently there are great options that are not hormone or drug related to helping to regulate all that side of things. Guess I will have to learn all this stuff.
So today was exhausting. It was jam-packed with information. Some of it made sense, some of it not. Above is a summary of the conversations and I think i've captured it as best I can. What stuck with me the most is NO TREATMENTS AT THIS TIME. I'm a little confused about having to see her again in three weeks once she's met with her pathology team. Not sure if it means that it could change the recommended path forward but for now I am going with what was told to me today.
The after effects
I am tired. I am overwhelmed. I am relieved. I am dazed. I am confused. I am glad today is over with. Now there are other things I will have to wait on as well as other health matters I will have to focus on, i.e. being the iron deficiency which my doctor is still confused about. I had started a course of getting iron injections but that is currently on hold. I had a first test dose, which made me very ill for a few hours, then a second test dose which did the same with the added effect of almost passing out. After a discussion with the doc and her having gotten advice from a clinical pharmacist, the passing out and extreme exhaustion is not from the iron injections. Now what! So the injections are on hold and we are now seeking options as to what could be causing me the need to sleep for 15 hours and still need to sleep more and more and more....First option is possibility of having celiac disease (gluten allergy). Blood work has been done yesterday so we shall see if this is the cause or if we scratch that off the list and move on to the next possible culprit. I am so fascinated by health and our bodies but yet am so frustrated by it. What keeps me going and being positive through this all is the great support system I have around me. I have the greatest friends and the greatest family who are there to listen to me complain, to come when I call, to bitch at me when I over do it with chores or activities that make me feel normal (i.e scrubbing my carpets clean with a small brush on my hands and knees for 4 hours straight - tee hee, oh and removing all my window screens and spraying them clean and vacuuming my blinds - oh snap, you didn't know about that one). All this to say, I am blessed. I am well surrounded. I am happy. I am loved. It could be worse. It always could. I see so many positives in this situation it's unreal. Weird, ya I know. But if you've known me for a while, you've also always known I've been somewhat weird. Come on now, couldn't well end this being all serious now could I?
Thanks for listening (reading). You guys all rock!!!!
Thursday, 6 June 2013
Saturday, 25 May 2013
Helllooooo
Here I am. Sorry for the hiatus. But no news is good news right? Well it is. I haven't had any developments in the health side of things since my last post. Well maybe a few but I'm here now so will explain.
On going issue...
I have had iron deficiency issues for years and years now and although I have been injesting copious amounts of iron pills, nothing is happening. My levels remain rock bottom low. We have tried a few things to perhaps help this iron absorbancy issue along the way but alas, nothing worked. So we have decided to go the route of iron injections. Last week was my first test dose to see how I would react.....all day, not so bad. Wake up at midnight with the most intense stomach pains and nausea. So pop the Gravol, wait thirty minutes for it to take its effect and then ahhhhhh, all better and now I can sleep. My doctor was shocked by my reaction seeing as i'd already been taking so much iron for years that she didn't seem to anticipate some of the side effects that some can have, i.e. nausea. So instead of sending me for my first full dose, sent me yesterday for a second test dose. Instead of waiting for the nausea wake-up, I went to bed with two Gravol in my body. I slept like a rock....but today, some nausea and well, almost passed out. So today is dizziness. Argh. Not a fun feeling. But thankfully the kids have both been dropped off at a birthday party so I can rest (after a tad bit of cleaning of course). I guess the lesson is to make sure I get my shots on Fridays so I can have the weekend to let the reactions happen and not be at work and have to have my co-workers pick me off the floor. I'll be getting an iron shot every two weeks for ten injections. Then we'll test my ferretin levels to see where they stand.
Music to my ears....
Thursday night of this past week, I had a wonderful experience that once again reminded me how lucky I am and how beautiful and rich my life is. My sister Camille, who works at the National Arts Center managed to get 4 tickets in row C to see the NAC Orchestra perform the music of Led Zeppelin. So the four Crôteau sisters met for a dinner at Le Café ahead of the performance and as usual, we giggled our way through dinner. And the show....OMG is pretty much all I can say about it. It was really really good. I am a fan of Zeppelin since I was at least 12 years old, but more so in my mid-teens where my room had posters of some album covers and had the music blaring from it's walls. They played so many tunes that brought back nothing but good memories. The arrangements were fantastic, the music went through my body and I found myself listening with the biggest grin on my face, not just because the music was great, but because there I was, sitting uber close to the stage with three of my favorite people in this world. Those are the moments you live for in life. Those are the moments we need to hang onto. Those are the moments that make us truly wealthy. Those are the moments that balance out all the not-so-good stuff we all have to go through at some point in life. Those are the moments that make everything OK. So going to the show was not just an experience to see a great orchestra perform some of my all time favorite tunes, it was an experience that made me feel like the luckiest gal out there regardless of what may be to come.
And now we wait....
For those wondering where things stand now, well we wait. The next appointment with the oncologist is June 6th where I will have a better idea of what lies ahead, whether it be treatments or not, and how to proceed with surgery. How do I feel about it all? Positive still, although I won't lie, the waiting is killing me and playing tricks on my mind, especially moments where I am not so busy or late at night while laying alone in the dark. Every ache makes me worry. I worry about whether after beating this one, whether something else would invade my body seeing as it now feels vulnerable. You always hear of 'so-and-so beat cancer #1 but died of cancer #2 that came years later'. I worry about whether I am resting enough, too much, not taking the daily things the right way. As much as I want to remain in a state of normalcy, continue to proceed day by day the same as any other, I can't help but wish I could be home, taking things slow, resting up the body, resting up the mind, perhaps doing some yoga to keep the body somewhat strong and giving my kids and hubby my full energy and attention until this is all done. I am normal but I am not. My mind drifts a lot through the day, I don't feel I am proceeding to my full potential at work and those who know me know I don't like being mediocre. But I continue to try and hope to stay afloat. The bills need to be paid right.....sigh!
I'll update next after my appointment so stay tuned. Fingers crossed for nothing but good.
XOX
On going issue...
I have had iron deficiency issues for years and years now and although I have been injesting copious amounts of iron pills, nothing is happening. My levels remain rock bottom low. We have tried a few things to perhaps help this iron absorbancy issue along the way but alas, nothing worked. So we have decided to go the route of iron injections. Last week was my first test dose to see how I would react.....all day, not so bad. Wake up at midnight with the most intense stomach pains and nausea. So pop the Gravol, wait thirty minutes for it to take its effect and then ahhhhhh, all better and now I can sleep. My doctor was shocked by my reaction seeing as i'd already been taking so much iron for years that she didn't seem to anticipate some of the side effects that some can have, i.e. nausea. So instead of sending me for my first full dose, sent me yesterday for a second test dose. Instead of waiting for the nausea wake-up, I went to bed with two Gravol in my body. I slept like a rock....but today, some nausea and well, almost passed out. So today is dizziness. Argh. Not a fun feeling. But thankfully the kids have both been dropped off at a birthday party so I can rest (after a tad bit of cleaning of course). I guess the lesson is to make sure I get my shots on Fridays so I can have the weekend to let the reactions happen and not be at work and have to have my co-workers pick me off the floor. I'll be getting an iron shot every two weeks for ten injections. Then we'll test my ferretin levels to see where they stand.
Music to my ears....
Thursday night of this past week, I had a wonderful experience that once again reminded me how lucky I am and how beautiful and rich my life is. My sister Camille, who works at the National Arts Center managed to get 4 tickets in row C to see the NAC Orchestra perform the music of Led Zeppelin. So the four Crôteau sisters met for a dinner at Le Café ahead of the performance and as usual, we giggled our way through dinner. And the show....OMG is pretty much all I can say about it. It was really really good. I am a fan of Zeppelin since I was at least 12 years old, but more so in my mid-teens where my room had posters of some album covers and had the music blaring from it's walls. They played so many tunes that brought back nothing but good memories. The arrangements were fantastic, the music went through my body and I found myself listening with the biggest grin on my face, not just because the music was great, but because there I was, sitting uber close to the stage with three of my favorite people in this world. Those are the moments you live for in life. Those are the moments we need to hang onto. Those are the moments that make us truly wealthy. Those are the moments that balance out all the not-so-good stuff we all have to go through at some point in life. Those are the moments that make everything OK. So going to the show was not just an experience to see a great orchestra perform some of my all time favorite tunes, it was an experience that made me feel like the luckiest gal out there regardless of what may be to come.
And now we wait....
For those wondering where things stand now, well we wait. The next appointment with the oncologist is June 6th where I will have a better idea of what lies ahead, whether it be treatments or not, and how to proceed with surgery. How do I feel about it all? Positive still, although I won't lie, the waiting is killing me and playing tricks on my mind, especially moments where I am not so busy or late at night while laying alone in the dark. Every ache makes me worry. I worry about whether after beating this one, whether something else would invade my body seeing as it now feels vulnerable. You always hear of 'so-and-so beat cancer #1 but died of cancer #2 that came years later'. I worry about whether I am resting enough, too much, not taking the daily things the right way. As much as I want to remain in a state of normalcy, continue to proceed day by day the same as any other, I can't help but wish I could be home, taking things slow, resting up the body, resting up the mind, perhaps doing some yoga to keep the body somewhat strong and giving my kids and hubby my full energy and attention until this is all done. I am normal but I am not. My mind drifts a lot through the day, I don't feel I am proceeding to my full potential at work and those who know me know I don't like being mediocre. But I continue to try and hope to stay afloat. The bills need to be paid right.....sigh!
I'll update next after my appointment so stay tuned. Fingers crossed for nothing but good.
XOX
Friday, 3 May 2013
Being Taurus
Being a Taurus is quite great, especially in May. It means it's my birthday very soon. 38 and proud. I normally don't get thrilled or crazy about my birthday but for some reason, this year I am looking forward to it. Another year to celebrate with those I love. Why should we be scared or sad to climb one number higher on the age scale. I will squeal with each new number from this point on. That is my new measure of success. Another year means more hugs, more laughs, more time with friends and family, more time with my husband and kidlets (XOXO) and more time doing my best at enjoying all the beautiful things around me.
Back to being a Taurus. According to one site, Tauruses are stable, balanced, conservative good, law-abiding citizens and lovers of peace, possessing all the best qualities of the bourgeoisie. Tauruses are gentle, even tempered, good natured, modest and slow to anger, disliking quarreling and avoiding ill-feeling. Equally unexpected are their occasional sallies into humor and exhibitions of fun. Another site says: Taurus is a Fixed Earth sign, ruled by Venus. As the second sign in the zodiac, the Taurus individual is a stable, conservative, home-loving individual who will always make a loyal friend or partner. So now for the bad...And oh yes, lest we forget, the Taurus individual is stubborn - the most stubborn of all the zodiac signs. Once he forms an opinion, he is immovable, and nothing will change his mind. If they are provoked, however, they can explode into violent outbursts of ferocious anger in which they seem to lose all self-control. LOL. You don't say. Stubborn? I didn't know about this aspect of my zodiac sign....well, maybe a touch, in certain circumstances, far and few between.....not convincing you aren't I. OK, OK so I am stubborn. Which is probably why after all my family's pleas to stay home the WHOLE week and rest up, I decided it was wise to head back to work on Wednesday, a mere 6 days after having surgery for removing cancer from my body. Why not. I felt good. I felt rested. I missed my co-workers. I felt I had a responsibility. Felt I had something to prove. Felt that some others have it worse and move on still. Felt guilty for laying so much in bed. Just felt ready....but like the saying goes: one step forward, two steps back. And two steps is what I have taken back. I lasted at work on Wednesday until 2pm. I should have left by noon had I been listening to my body (and parts of my brain telling me to go). I didn't though. So Wednesday night put me back where I started. Weak, exhausted, swollen, sore and in bed. Thursday, some of the same. Today, yup no change. So here I am at home still, sitting in my stretch pants (no moo-moo yet), my heated bean bag on my abdomen, warm coffee, Sarah McLachlan on the Bose and plans of resting up. As stubborn as I can be and thinking I can do it all, I am stepping back. I guess even Superwoman goes on the occasional vacay. So I look forward to this evening, having my lovely sister Julie cook me dinner, help with the kids and sleep over to keep me company and help out (and sure she is also coming to keep an eye on me and have her finger ready to wag in my direction should I try to do something more than I should be doing).
Sigh.....
Back to being a Taurus. According to one site, Tauruses are stable, balanced, conservative good, law-abiding citizens and lovers of peace, possessing all the best qualities of the bourgeoisie. Tauruses are gentle, even tempered, good natured, modest and slow to anger, disliking quarreling and avoiding ill-feeling. Equally unexpected are their occasional sallies into humor and exhibitions of fun. Another site says: Taurus is a Fixed Earth sign, ruled by Venus. As the second sign in the zodiac, the Taurus individual is a stable, conservative, home-loving individual who will always make a loyal friend or partner. So now for the bad...And oh yes, lest we forget, the Taurus individual is stubborn - the most stubborn of all the zodiac signs. Once he forms an opinion, he is immovable, and nothing will change his mind. If they are provoked, however, they can explode into violent outbursts of ferocious anger in which they seem to lose all self-control. LOL. You don't say. Stubborn? I didn't know about this aspect of my zodiac sign....well, maybe a touch, in certain circumstances, far and few between.....not convincing you aren't I. OK, OK so I am stubborn. Which is probably why after all my family's pleas to stay home the WHOLE week and rest up, I decided it was wise to head back to work on Wednesday, a mere 6 days after having surgery for removing cancer from my body. Why not. I felt good. I felt rested. I missed my co-workers. I felt I had a responsibility. Felt I had something to prove. Felt that some others have it worse and move on still. Felt guilty for laying so much in bed. Just felt ready....but like the saying goes: one step forward, two steps back. And two steps is what I have taken back. I lasted at work on Wednesday until 2pm. I should have left by noon had I been listening to my body (and parts of my brain telling me to go). I didn't though. So Wednesday night put me back where I started. Weak, exhausted, swollen, sore and in bed. Thursday, some of the same. Today, yup no change. So here I am at home still, sitting in my stretch pants (no moo-moo yet), my heated bean bag on my abdomen, warm coffee, Sarah McLachlan on the Bose and plans of resting up. As stubborn as I can be and thinking I can do it all, I am stepping back. I guess even Superwoman goes on the occasional vacay. So I look forward to this evening, having my lovely sister Julie cook me dinner, help with the kids and sleep over to keep me company and help out (and sure she is also coming to keep an eye on me and have her finger ready to wag in my direction should I try to do something more than I should be doing).
Sigh.....
Tuesday, 30 April 2013
This life we are given
While at the bus stop this morning waiting for the kids to be off to school, I was told very briefly of a story by one of the moms there. Her friend at the age of 28 was diagnosed with the same cancer as me and underwent the same surgery and then a total hysterectomy as well as some treatments. Five years past and she is doing Iron Man competitions. Now seriously, that is someone who was faced with a challenging time and came out of it stronger and more positive I imagine than she was before. She had not yet had children so that choice was also taken away from her and she came through it. WOW. You know what I call that? A Super Woman. They are everywhere and they inspire me.
We don't choose the challenges we end up facing in life, well for the most part anyway, but with hard work, a whole lot of heart, and support from family and friends, we can overcome most of them. And when we come out at the end, we find ourselves stronger. Those challenges make us who we are. Would I rather not be faced with this challenge? Well that's a silly question...but what I do know is that the Adèle that will come out of it at the end will be the same Adèle as I am now, with a tad more pride, a lot healthier, more strength and a bit more of a feeling that I CAN handle much more than I ever thought possible. Like every single person on this earth, I have already gone through many rock bottom moments, situations I wish I could somehow erase from my past. But in a way, had those situations not happened, I would not be who I am today. And I am quite proud of who I have become. My mom was proud and I am sure continues to be proud as she looks down on me and smiles. My father is proud and I see it in his smile every time he is over and I felt it in his touch as he squeezed my hand before surgery. My sisters are proud.
I know this won't be the last challenge that will come my way in life. There will be many more as I grow old and grey (and yes you aren't rid of me for a long while....I will be old, grey, and possibly start wearing moo-moos one day). And in future challenges I will allow myself the time to be sad, have a few moments of self-pity, cry some, then pull up my sock and head forward with my head held high and know that I WILL come out of it.
For those wanting the recovery update, I am doing great. I have moments of cramping, weakness, a tad bit of dizziness but overall am quite good. Note to self: stay on top of pain medication plan. Forgoing them on day two of recovery is NOT a good idea. I had a great team of helpers (thank you to my sisters Camille, Manon, Julie, to my handsome husband Randy, my wonderful father Simon and his spouse Sandy). I know I am stubborn and have a hard time of letting go of my household duties and chores, but know that I didn't push myself too much and that moving around a bit did help in my recovery. I will pull back when I need it and I am getting better at asking for help don't you think? Yes? Argh, OK, I still need help in that department.
So tomorrow is back to work - business as usual...with a bit more pain and medication. I am relunctant to head back so soon cause it's not just the body that needs adjusting to this situation but the brain, but quite excited to head back and feel 'normal', feel like part of the team and touch base with my great team at work. Essentially heading back to work is heading to a group of friends where I feel supported, watched over and loved.
Ready or not, here I come.
We don't choose the challenges we end up facing in life, well for the most part anyway, but with hard work, a whole lot of heart, and support from family and friends, we can overcome most of them. And when we come out at the end, we find ourselves stronger. Those challenges make us who we are. Would I rather not be faced with this challenge? Well that's a silly question...but what I do know is that the Adèle that will come out of it at the end will be the same Adèle as I am now, with a tad more pride, a lot healthier, more strength and a bit more of a feeling that I CAN handle much more than I ever thought possible. Like every single person on this earth, I have already gone through many rock bottom moments, situations I wish I could somehow erase from my past. But in a way, had those situations not happened, I would not be who I am today. And I am quite proud of who I have become. My mom was proud and I am sure continues to be proud as she looks down on me and smiles. My father is proud and I see it in his smile every time he is over and I felt it in his touch as he squeezed my hand before surgery. My sisters are proud.
I know this won't be the last challenge that will come my way in life. There will be many more as I grow old and grey (and yes you aren't rid of me for a long while....I will be old, grey, and possibly start wearing moo-moos one day). And in future challenges I will allow myself the time to be sad, have a few moments of self-pity, cry some, then pull up my sock and head forward with my head held high and know that I WILL come out of it.
So tomorrow is back to work - business as usual...with a bit more pain and medication. I am relunctant to head back so soon cause it's not just the body that needs adjusting to this situation but the brain, but quite excited to head back and feel 'normal', feel like part of the team and touch base with my great team at work. Essentially heading back to work is heading to a group of friends where I feel supported, watched over and loved.
Ready or not, here I come.
Friday, 26 April 2013
Step one to getting better
WHAM!!! BAM!!! POW!!!!
Round one goes to Adèle. Sucks to be you Cancer!
Yesterday was surgery day. Hence the Superhero references above. And in this round, I won! I did. I had my nice white boxing gloves on (thank you Ryan Gosling) and kicked some serious ASS. I went in strong and came out stronger, albeit a little groggy, sore, stinky, hungry. But the important thing is I came out with less cancer in me, possibly no more cancer in me. Results will let us know what is needed next. A hysterectomy I know is inevitable, put possibly the news of not needing any radiation or other treatments would be just fabulous in my books.
So for those wondering on how the day went, here is a bit more detail. My day started as it does everyday : 5:30am wake-up, get kids lunches packed and bags ready by the door, wake-up kids, dress and feed kids and out the door by 7:15. Then there was coming back home and NOT having coffee. OMG! What a challenge that was. I was allowed one measured cup of water and one of white-cranberry juice. Satisfying - NOT. My escort for the day (dad) came to hang with me for a while before we had to head out the door at 9:45am to head to the Ottawa General Hospital. My given arrival time was 10:30am and we waiting at least an hour in the waiting room before being brought to a room that looked like a gym locker room to dress into a fancy little gown. The room was quite fitting if you think about the fact that you are about to go fight one of the biggest battles of your life. Then you're put into bed in a room full of people awaiting their surgeries. It's a lovely room, space and curtains between the beds. The lights could be dimmed a bit. They ask you the questions you have already answered a gazillion times; do you have allergies, are you taking any meds, what is your name/date of birth, etc. Then dad got to hang with me for a while which was comforting. You know, I don't think you ever hit an age where it's no longer comforting to have a parent next to you when about to face something hard. I softy dozed while waiting for the porter to take me to my surgery room, felt dad kiss my head gently as he left and the porter then came to get me to take me to the next room to wait. I'm quite calm through all of this. I'm at peace, slightly anxious but excited to get this show on the road. I know that once I cross the line into the OR, I will be one step closer to being good, being healthy, being cancer free. So once again, in the hallway by Operation Room 5 I think it was, what is your name/date of birth, what are you here to get, etc. It's quite funny how every person that touches you on the way to the OR asks you all the same questions but thank god cause I would have hated to be heading home with one less kidney or something just because you were wheeled into the wrong room.
Next, came the wheeling into the operation room......
...and I lost it. The tears they came unannounced and man did they come. The strength I felt all morning evaporated and was replaced by fear. Fear of the room itself and all the scary sterile objects, fear of the 6 or so masked people in the room. They introduced themselves to me but frankly they all looked the same. They were all lovely and kind and comforting but scary nonetheless. The resident working with my surgeon spoke softly to me about my kids, my husband, my life while the anesthesiologist worked on my left arm. She was kind, rubbed my hand and seemed interested in my kids and their lives. My left arm got cold, I was given an oxygen mask and then sleep....
Poof, I'm waking up, what seemed to be only mere moments from when my eyes closed. And then again, what is your name, date of birth, etc...What is your level of pain on a scale from zero to 10. It was 3. I felt good except for one damn thing.....I STILL HAD MY COFFEE WITHDRAWAL HEADACHE. Can you imagine!!! The worst part of my day, my day of surgery was lack of coffee. So when I told the nurse I had a headache from lack of coffee, let me tell you I had about 3 nurses laughing out loud. So the drugs I needed then were not to handle the cramps or pain from surgery, it was from java withdrawal. Never would I have thought... Once that kicked in, the nurse asked me if she could bring me a coffee. LOL.
Surgery was approximately at 2pm, an hour surgery, and I was released by 4:15. Not so bad. Recovery was good. I was not in pain, I was not nauseated, I was not dizzy. I was a tad groggy, a tad sore. I made it. I faced a fear, a fear of going under, a fear of going under the knife, a fear of not waking up, of being ill when waking up. I did that. I faced those fears. Not that it was on my bucket list but I will cross it off the list anyway.
I am a SUPERHERO. I am SUPERWOMAN (well at least for one day anyway). Now back to being me. Back to drinking my coffee....
Round one goes to Adèle. Sucks to be you Cancer!
Yesterday was surgery day. Hence the Superhero references above. And in this round, I won! I did. I had my nice white boxing gloves on (thank you Ryan Gosling) and kicked some serious ASS. I went in strong and came out stronger, albeit a little groggy, sore, stinky, hungry. But the important thing is I came out with less cancer in me, possibly no more cancer in me. Results will let us know what is needed next. A hysterectomy I know is inevitable, put possibly the news of not needing any radiation or other treatments would be just fabulous in my books.
So for those wondering on how the day went, here is a bit more detail. My day started as it does everyday : 5:30am wake-up, get kids lunches packed and bags ready by the door, wake-up kids, dress and feed kids and out the door by 7:15. Then there was coming back home and NOT having coffee. OMG! What a challenge that was. I was allowed one measured cup of water and one of white-cranberry juice. Satisfying - NOT. My escort for the day (dad) came to hang with me for a while before we had to head out the door at 9:45am to head to the Ottawa General Hospital. My given arrival time was 10:30am and we waiting at least an hour in the waiting room before being brought to a room that looked like a gym locker room to dress into a fancy little gown. The room was quite fitting if you think about the fact that you are about to go fight one of the biggest battles of your life. Then you're put into bed in a room full of people awaiting their surgeries. It's a lovely room, space and curtains between the beds. The lights could be dimmed a bit. They ask you the questions you have already answered a gazillion times; do you have allergies, are you taking any meds, what is your name/date of birth, etc. Then dad got to hang with me for a while which was comforting. You know, I don't think you ever hit an age where it's no longer comforting to have a parent next to you when about to face something hard. I softy dozed while waiting for the porter to take me to my surgery room, felt dad kiss my head gently as he left and the porter then came to get me to take me to the next room to wait. I'm quite calm through all of this. I'm at peace, slightly anxious but excited to get this show on the road. I know that once I cross the line into the OR, I will be one step closer to being good, being healthy, being cancer free. So once again, in the hallway by Operation Room 5 I think it was, what is your name/date of birth, what are you here to get, etc. It's quite funny how every person that touches you on the way to the OR asks you all the same questions but thank god cause I would have hated to be heading home with one less kidney or something just because you were wheeled into the wrong room.
Next, came the wheeling into the operation room......
...and I lost it. The tears they came unannounced and man did they come. The strength I felt all morning evaporated and was replaced by fear. Fear of the room itself and all the scary sterile objects, fear of the 6 or so masked people in the room. They introduced themselves to me but frankly they all looked the same. They were all lovely and kind and comforting but scary nonetheless. The resident working with my surgeon spoke softly to me about my kids, my husband, my life while the anesthesiologist worked on my left arm. She was kind, rubbed my hand and seemed interested in my kids and their lives. My left arm got cold, I was given an oxygen mask and then sleep....
Poof, I'm waking up, what seemed to be only mere moments from when my eyes closed. And then again, what is your name, date of birth, etc...What is your level of pain on a scale from zero to 10. It was 3. I felt good except for one damn thing.....I STILL HAD MY COFFEE WITHDRAWAL HEADACHE. Can you imagine!!! The worst part of my day, my day of surgery was lack of coffee. So when I told the nurse I had a headache from lack of coffee, let me tell you I had about 3 nurses laughing out loud. So the drugs I needed then were not to handle the cramps or pain from surgery, it was from java withdrawal. Never would I have thought... Once that kicked in, the nurse asked me if she could bring me a coffee. LOL.
Surgery was approximately at 2pm, an hour surgery, and I was released by 4:15. Not so bad. Recovery was good. I was not in pain, I was not nauseated, I was not dizzy. I was a tad groggy, a tad sore. I made it. I faced a fear, a fear of going under, a fear of going under the knife, a fear of not waking up, of being ill when waking up. I did that. I faced those fears. Not that it was on my bucket list but I will cross it off the list anyway.
I am a SUPERHERO. I am SUPERWOMAN (well at least for one day anyway). Now back to being me. Back to drinking my coffee....
Tuesday, 23 April 2013
The deets....
The details are that I have cervical cancer, microinvasive carcinoma I think is the term the doctor used. I’m quite proud to say that it is caught early. EARLY. That is the magic of this situation, if you can see anything magic about this. (Go out and get your Pap tests ladies)
I will be having 2 surgeries, the first one being this Thursday, April 25th at the General Hospital. It’s called a cone biopsy. It’s a day surgery, so in and out the same day. In some cases, this procedure can actually end up removing all of the cancerous tissue and nothing more is needed in terms of treatment. From what the doctors can tell at this point, they don't think I will need any radiation or other treatments. Because of some other issues I have been having thet last few years, I already know that I will need the second surgery which is a hysterectomy. Depending on results from this week’s biopsy, the hysterectomy could be performed in a less invasive way (as opposed to a radical hysterectomy) therefore resulting with quicker recovery period. I won’t go into details about the surgeries themselves (Google can do that for me) but I am at a point where I am feeling at peace with needing these procedures and looking forward to them. I know that once this is behind me and that I can get back to my regular exercise regime, will feel better, have a healthier life and live to be old, grey and quite happily wrinkled.
I’m not going to lie, of course the part about going under the knife scares the poopers out of me, more so the being put to sleep but it is done all the time and most that I have spoken to so far, actually liked it. We shall see. The idea of not having any control kinda freaks me out but I know that I will be in good hands. Here is a fact that at first weirded me out but is strangely bringing me comfort now – the surgeon that will be doing my surgery this week is the same surgeon that did my mom’s surgery five and a half years ago. So I’ve met her before and for me, putting a face to a name comforts me.
So for now, I’ll leave it at the following - I am good, I am calm, I am positive, I am happy this was found early
Hugs all.
XOXO
. I’ll touch base after surgery day. Wish me luck and send the positive vibes my way on Thursday am.
I will be having 2 surgeries, the first one being this Thursday, April 25th at the General Hospital. It’s called a cone biopsy. It’s a day surgery, so in and out the same day. In some cases, this procedure can actually end up removing all of the cancerous tissue and nothing more is needed in terms of treatment. From what the doctors can tell at this point, they don't think I will need any radiation or other treatments. Because of some other issues I have been having thet last few years, I already know that I will need the second surgery which is a hysterectomy. Depending on results from this week’s biopsy, the hysterectomy could be performed in a less invasive way (as opposed to a radical hysterectomy) therefore resulting with quicker recovery period. I won’t go into details about the surgeries themselves (Google can do that for me) but I am at a point where I am feeling at peace with needing these procedures and looking forward to them. I know that once this is behind me and that I can get back to my regular exercise regime, will feel better, have a healthier life and live to be old, grey and quite happily wrinkled.
I’m not going to lie, of course the part about going under the knife scares the poopers out of me, more so the being put to sleep but it is done all the time and most that I have spoken to so far, actually liked it. We shall see. The idea of not having any control kinda freaks me out but I know that I will be in good hands. Here is a fact that at first weirded me out but is strangely bringing me comfort now – the surgeon that will be doing my surgery this week is the same surgeon that did my mom’s surgery five and a half years ago. So I’ve met her before and for me, putting a face to a name comforts me.
So for now, I’ll leave it at the following - I am good, I am calm, I am positive, I am happy this was found early
Hugs all.
XOXO
Saturday, 20 April 2013
Life
Life - such a big word. How could you even begin to talk about the word 'Life' as simply as just a word, a noun, especially in one little blog post, especially when you aren't the greatest writer to begin with. But, if you'd ask me the first thing that comes to mind when thinking of 'life' I would say - beautiful. It is of course much more than just that but it is a beautiful thing is it not? Full of adventures, obstacles, mysteries, people, animals, nature, challenges...
Now 'challenges', there's a word. We often think of the word 'challenge' as a negative thing, but I am trying the flip side these days and seeing the word as a positive. I am trying this method simply because I am currently facing one of those 'challenges' that life brings you that I don't think you can ever prepare yourself for. This challenge I am facing will be both trying on the emotional side, the physical side and the spiritual side. So why would I feel the need to now try and approach 'challenges' as a positive? Because I have to. I have to believe that I can face this challenge with a positive mind and heart. I have to believe that I will find enough energy to face this challenge. I have to believe that I will have the heart to face it, as well as all of the positive forces I can find within myself.
My beautiful life has recently given me a challenge that I know in my heart that I will get through by keeping a positive mind. My challenge is CANCER.
(I know some of you are just finding out about this now, and some of you have been privy to the past few months of my testing and doctors appointments and waiting, to finally getting to my diagnosis. I will be trying to write regularly for those who are interested in knowing what is up but don't want to call. This is all very weird but I will try and write when I can. Also just to add, I am OK, and will be OK. I will give more details shortly but this is caught early which is the saving grace in these challenges. I trust that I should be back to normal by end of year. This is not a secret, I am not ashamed, and I am not afraid to talk about it. Talk soon).
Now 'challenges', there's a word. We often think of the word 'challenge' as a negative thing, but I am trying the flip side these days and seeing the word as a positive. I am trying this method simply because I am currently facing one of those 'challenges' that life brings you that I don't think you can ever prepare yourself for. This challenge I am facing will be both trying on the emotional side, the physical side and the spiritual side. So why would I feel the need to now try and approach 'challenges' as a positive? Because I have to. I have to believe that I can face this challenge with a positive mind and heart. I have to believe that I will find enough energy to face this challenge. I have to believe that I will have the heart to face it, as well as all of the positive forces I can find within myself.
My beautiful life has recently given me a challenge that I know in my heart that I will get through by keeping a positive mind. My challenge is CANCER.
(I know some of you are just finding out about this now, and some of you have been privy to the past few months of my testing and doctors appointments and waiting, to finally getting to my diagnosis. I will be trying to write regularly for those who are interested in knowing what is up but don't want to call. This is all very weird but I will try and write when I can. Also just to add, I am OK, and will be OK. I will give more details shortly but this is caught early which is the saving grace in these challenges. I trust that I should be back to normal by end of year. This is not a secret, I am not ashamed, and I am not afraid to talk about it. Talk soon).
Sunday, 16 August 2009
One year past
Well again almost another full year goes by without an entry. It's been a year (yesterday) that mom left this world. I can't even put into words what this past year has been like. Unreal really.I'd like to focus on the positive which is that my baby girl, Sophie Ginette was born on November 10th, 2008. The rush of emotions that was felt that day was intense and mostly happiness. The sadness was for the absence felt but the happiness for the life created. Now at 9 months, she is just an angel that was brought to me to remind me that life is wonderful and worth picking yourself up for and moving forward. I will try from now on to record all the wonderful moments that my kids bring to me. As mentioned before, I had started this blog to please my mom since she took so much pride in knowing what her girls were up to and what they were feeling and thinking, but now I will focus on this blog as a way to record life as it goes by for my kids to eventually read should they wish to. I'll post pictures as well but I also post the majority of my pictures at http://picasaweb.google.ca/adelecroteau
Monday, 29 September 2008
Strange days
I have my reasons for not having updated this blog in a while and most of you already know it anyways. My mother passed away after a one year battle with ovarian and peritoneal cancer. Some fights were won and some were not. Ultimately, I just don't know what to say or how to proceed in this life without my mom. I know we all end with death but never did the thought occur me to think that my mother would leave us so soon. I imagined being an old lady myself with my mother by my side. As well, I have to admit that this blog was mostly written for her as she enjoyed checking it on a weekly basis to see what her grandson was up to. I will do my best in keeping this updated anyways as I know it also makes a great place for memories to be stored and fun times not forgotten.
With all the sadness that my family and I have had lately, there is also much happiness. The big one for me of course if the much awaited birth of my daughter, Sophie Ginette. She is due November 27th and I am already so much in love with her as much as I am with Julian. The second exciting item is the marriage of my older sister Julie to a fabulous lady named Holly. We can't wait until they are both living closer to us so we can spend lots of time with them and get to know our new sister-in-law more. Congrats ladies. Julie is currently on a posting in Congo for two years. It's far but we get regular updates from her adventures. I just can't wait until she gets internet at home to be more in touch and see pictures to her surroundings.
Anyways, it just feels weird writing now after all we have been through but I promise, I will make more of an effort and especially with Sophie on her way soon so those far away can stay updated and see pictures.
Thanks for being patient and understanding.
Adele
With all the sadness that my family and I have had lately, there is also much happiness. The big one for me of course if the much awaited birth of my daughter, Sophie Ginette. She is due November 27th and I am already so much in love with her as much as I am with Julian. The second exciting item is the marriage of my older sister Julie to a fabulous lady named Holly. We can't wait until they are both living closer to us so we can spend lots of time with them and get to know our new sister-in-law more. Congrats ladies. Julie is currently on a posting in Congo for two years. It's far but we get regular updates from her adventures. I just can't wait until she gets internet at home to be more in touch and see pictures to her surroundings.
Anyways, it just feels weird writing now after all we have been through but I promise, I will make more of an effort and especially with Sophie on her way soon so those far away can stay updated and see pictures.
Thanks for being patient and understanding.
Adele
Saturday, 7 June 2008
Three months later
So i've told Maman it's absolutely time we update this blog. There is so much to tell. Not only am I speaking arabic but I let maman know when I pee and I will also be a big brother come November this year. That's he/her picture above. Maman said on June 30th we will find out if I will have a brother or a sister. I just can't wait to have more company in the house. I will have so much to tell them and show them.
I our last blog, maman was telling you all how I can eat my yogurt alone now. Well that's me with my yogurt beard. I am much cleaner now though. That was three months ago.
This is also me back when bathtime was fun. I don't like it so much anymore. I am not sure exactly why but I think I would much rather run around the house then be confined in the tub and wet. It frustrates maman and papa because they used to find it easy to bathe me and now I just cry.
On easter, we went to visit with grand-maman jeannette and grand-papa Donat and I was looking pretty fine if I do say so myself. A little tie and everything.So Maman has been feeling pretty yukky and she says it the baby making her sick to her tummy. She said i did it too but not as bad and that it will go away. I wonder if my sister or brother is kicking maman so it hurts. It must be hot in there and they must want to come out and play with me. Maman says in good time they will be ready to come and play. I can't wait.
I will try to tell Maman not to wait so long before writing more next time but I do tend to keep her pretty busy.
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