This life we are given

While at the bus stop this morning waiting for the kids to be off to school, I was told very briefly of a story by one of the moms there. Her friend at the age of 28 was diagnosed with the same cancer as me and underwent the same surgery and then a total hysterectomy as well as some treatments. Five years past and she is doing Iron Man competitions. Now seriously,  that is someone who was faced with a challenging time and came out of it stronger and more positive I imagine than she was before. She had not yet had children so that choice was also taken away from her and she came through it. WOW. You know what I call that? A Super Woman. They are everywhere and they inspire me.

We don't choose the challenges we end up facing in life, well for the most part anyway, but with hard work, a whole lot of heart, and support from family and friends, we can overcome most of them. And when we come out at the end, we find ourselves stronger. Those challenges make us who we are. Would I rather not be faced with this challenge? Well that's a silly question...but what I do know is that the Adèle that will come out of it at the end will be the same Adèle as I am now, with a tad more pride, a lot healthier, more strength and a bit more of a feeling that I CAN handle much more than I ever thought possible. Like every single person on this earth, I have already gone through many rock bottom moments, situations I wish I could somehow erase from my past. But in a way, had those situations not happened, I would not be who I am today. And I am quite proud of who I have become. My mom was proud and I am sure continues to be proud as she looks down on me and smiles. My father is proud and I see it in his smile every time he is over and I felt it in his touch as he squeezed my hand before surgery. My sisters are proud.

I know this won't be the last challenge that will come my way in life. There will be many more as I grow old and grey (and yes you aren't rid of me for a long while....I will be old, grey, and possibly start wearing moo-moos one day). And in future challenges I will allow myself the time to be sad, have a few moments of self-pity, cry some, then pull up my sock and head forward with my head held high and know that I WILL come out of it.

For those wanting the recovery update, I am doing great. I have moments of cramping, weakness, a tad bit of dizziness but overall am quite good. Note to self: stay on top of pain medication plan. Forgoing them on day two of recovery is NOT a good idea. I had a great team of helpers (thank you to my sisters Camille, Manon, Julie, to my handsome husband Randy, my wonderful father Simon and his spouse Sandy). I know I am stubborn and have a hard time of letting go of my household duties and chores, but know that I didn't push myself too much and that moving around a bit did help in my recovery. I will pull back when I need it and I am getting better at asking for help don't you think? Yes? Argh, OK, I still need help in that department.

So tomorrow is back to work - business as usual...with a bit more pain and medication. I am relunctant to head back so soon cause it's not just the body that needs adjusting to this situation but the brain, but quite excited to head back and feel 'normal', feel like part of the team and touch base with my great team at work. Essentially heading back to work is heading to a group of friends where I feel supported, watched over and loved.

Ready or not, here I come.

Step one to getting better

WHAM!!! BAM!!! POW!!!!
Round one goes to Adèle. Sucks to be you Cancer! 

Yesterday was surgery day. Hence the Superhero references above. And in this round, I won! I did.  I had my nice white boxing gloves on (thank you Ryan Gosling) and kicked some serious ASS. I went in strong and came out stronger, albeit a little groggy, sore, stinky, hungry. But the important thing is I came out with less cancer in me, possibly no more cancer in me. Results will let us know what is needed next. A hysterectomy I know is inevitable, put possibly the news of not needing any radiation or other treatments would be just fabulous in my books.

So for those wondering on how the day went, here is a bit more detail. My day started as it does everyday : 5:30am wake-up, get kids lunches packed and bags ready by the door, wake-up kids, dress and feed kids and out the door by 7:15. Then there was coming back home and NOT having coffee. OMG! What a challenge that was. I was allowed one measured cup of water and one of white-cranberry juice. Satisfying - NOT. My escort for the day (dad) came to hang with me for a while before we had to head out the door at 9:45am to head to the Ottawa General Hospital. My given arrival time was 10:30am and we waiting at least an hour in the waiting room before being brought to a room that looked like a gym locker room to dress into a fancy little gown. The room was quite fitting if you think about the fact that you are about to go fight one of the biggest battles of your life. Then you're put into bed in a room full of people awaiting their surgeries. It's a lovely room, space and curtains between the beds. The lights could be dimmed a bit. They ask you the questions you have already answered a gazillion times; do you have allergies, are you taking any meds, what is your name/date of birth, etc. Then dad got to hang with me for a while which was comforting. You know, I don't think you ever hit an age where it's no longer comforting to have a parent next to you when about to face something hard. I softy dozed while waiting for the porter to take me to my surgery room, felt dad kiss my head gently as he left and the porter then came to get me to take me to the next room to wait. I'm quite calm through all of this. I'm at peace, slightly anxious but excited to get this show on the road. I know that once I cross the line into the OR, I will be one step closer to being good, being healthy, being cancer free. So once again, in the hallway by Operation Room 5 I think it was, what is your name/date of birth, what are you here to get, etc. It's quite funny how every person that touches you on the way to the OR asks you all the same questions but thank god cause I would have hated to be heading home with one less kidney or something just because you were wheeled into the wrong room.

Next, came the wheeling into the operation room......
...and I lost it. The tears they came unannounced and man did they come. The strength I felt all morning evaporated and was replaced by fear. Fear of the room itself and all the scary sterile objects, fear of the 6 or so masked people in the room. They introduced themselves to me but frankly they all looked the same. They were all lovely and kind and comforting but scary nonetheless. The resident working with my surgeon spoke softly to me about my kids, my husband, my life while the anesthesiologist worked on my left arm. She was kind, rubbed my hand and seemed interested in my kids and their lives. My left arm got cold, I was given an oxygen mask and then sleep....

Poof, I'm waking up, what seemed to be only mere moments from when my eyes closed. And then again, what is your name, date of birth, etc...What is your level of pain on a scale from zero to 10. It was 3. I felt good except for one damn thing.....I STILL HAD MY COFFEE WITHDRAWAL HEADACHE. Can you imagine!!! The worst part of my day, my day of surgery was lack of coffee. So when I told the nurse I had a headache from lack of coffee, let me tell you I had about 3 nurses laughing out loud. So the drugs I needed then were not to handle the cramps or pain from surgery, it was from java withdrawal. Never would I have thought... Once that kicked in, the nurse asked me if she could bring me a coffee. LOL.

Surgery was approximately at 2pm, an hour surgery, and I was released by 4:15. Not so bad. Recovery was good. I was not in pain, I was not nauseated, I was not dizzy. I was a tad groggy, a tad sore. I made it. I faced a fear, a fear of going under, a fear of going under the knife, a fear of not waking up, of being ill when waking up. I did that. I faced those fears. Not that it was on my bucket list but I will cross it off the list anyway.

I am a SUPERHERO. I am SUPERWOMAN (well at least for one day anyway). Now back to being me. Back to drinking my coffee....

The deets....

The details are that I have cervical cancer, microinvasive carcinoma I think is the term the doctor used. I’m quite proud to say that it is caught early.  EARLY. That is the magic of this situation, if you can see anything magic about this. (Go out and get your Pap tests ladies)

I will be having 2 surgeries, the first one being this Thursday, April 25th at the General Hospital. It’s called a cone biopsy. It’s a day surgery, so in and out the same day.  In some cases, this procedure can actually end up removing all of the cancerous tissue and nothing more is needed in terms of treatment. From what the doctors can tell at this point, they don't think I will need any radiation or other treatments. Because of some other issues I have been having thet last few years, I already know that I will need the second surgery which is a hysterectomy. Depending on results from this week’s biopsy, the hysterectomy could be performed in a less invasive way (as opposed to a radical hysterectomy) therefore resulting with quicker recovery period. I won’t go into details about the surgeries themselves (Google can do that for me) but I am at a point where I am feeling at peace with needing these procedures and looking forward to them. I know that once this is behind me and that I can get back to my regular exercise regime, will feel better, have a healthier life and live to be old, grey and quite happily wrinkled.

I’m not going to lie, of course the part about going under the knife scares the poopers out of me, more so the being put to sleep but it is done all the time and most that I have spoken to so far, actually liked it. We shall see. The idea of not having any control kinda freaks me out but I know that I will be in good hands. Here is a fact that at first weirded me out but is strangely bringing me comfort now – the surgeon that will be doing my surgery this week is the same surgeon that did my mom’s surgery five and a half years ago. So I’ve met her before and for me, putting a face to a name comforts me.

So for now, I’ll leave it at the following -  I am good, I am calm, I am positive, I am happy this was found early

Hugs all.
XOXO

. I’ll touch base after surgery day. Wish me luck and send the positive vibes my way on Thursday am.

Life

Life - such a big word. How could you even begin to talk about the word 'Life' as simply as just a word, a noun, especially in one little blog post, especially when you aren't the greatest writer to begin with. But, if you'd ask me the first thing that comes to mind when thinking of 'life' I would say - beautiful. It is of course much more than just that but it is a beautiful thing is it not? Full of adventures, obstacles, mysteries, people, animals, nature, challenges...

Now 'challenges', there's a word. We often think of the word 'challenge' as a negative thing, but I am trying the flip side these days and seeing the word as a positive. I am trying this method simply because I am currently facing one of those 'challenges' that life brings you that I don't think you can ever prepare yourself for. This challenge I am facing will be both trying on the emotional side, the physical side and the spiritual side. So why would I feel the need to now try and approach 'challenges' as a positive? Because I have to. I have to believe that I can face this challenge with a positive mind and heart. I have to believe that I will find enough energy to face this challenge. I have to believe that I will have the heart to face it, as well as all of the positive forces I can find within myself.

My beautiful life has recently given me a challenge that I know in my heart that I will get through by keeping a positive mind. My challenge is CANCER.

(I know some of you are just finding out about this now, and some of you have been privy to the past few months of my testing and doctors appointments and waiting, to finally getting to my diagnosis. I will be trying to write regularly for those who are interested in knowing what is up but don't want to call. This is all very weird but I will try and write when I can. Also just to add, I am OK, and will be OK. I will give more details shortly but this is caught early which is the saving grace in these challenges. I trust that I should be back to normal by end of year. This is not a secret, I am not ashamed, and I am not afraid to talk about it. Talk soon).