https://www.ihadcancer.com/h3-blog/01-06-2017/an-open-letter-to-not-so-dear-cancer
Before I begin this letter, let me digress...
Funny how we have all been trained to start all letter with 'Dear...' which is such a warm and endearing term. As if implying that who we are addressing our letter to is someone who holds some special place in our hearts...Some long lost friend whom we wish to reconnect with. "Hey you. How have you been? We should meet up and catch up...".
This is the definition for 'dear' in Merriam-Webster's dictionary: "highly valued; precious; a dear friend". So let's take a step forward now. this letter I am about to write is being addressed to Cancer. With that definition in mind, I have two words that immediately come to mind - Bull. And Shit. And that is me being polite and G-rated. OK, now let me begin my open letter to Cancer.
Cancer,
No, not 'Dear Cancer', just 'Cancer'. You don't deserve me beginning this letter with 'dear'. In fact, is there anything you deserve? Not that I can think of at this very moment....or ever.
I've been thinking about our 'relationship', and how as with all relationships I've ever had, we've had our ups and downs. We've encountered many roadblocks along the way, hit several different levels of emotions. One thing I can say with 100% certainty is, regardless of what happens, where I go, who you move on with, you will always be in my life, sadly. As much as I try and shake you off, tell you that it's over, scream out to you that we are DONE, you'll always be lurking there in the shadows. You can't catch a hint. You don't process the message and once and for all just leave. No, like some bloodsucking leech that won't let go no matter the amount of salt we sprinkle on you, you are there. You are super-glued in my soul.
We first met some 9 years ago when you decided to knock on my mother's door. We tried to slam the door shut in your face, and for a brief moment, we were successful. But like the big bad wolf who blows his way through the straw house, in you came and wreaked havoc on my mother, my family and my life. You grabbed hold of my mother's physical strength and tore it apart. Then again, in 2013, as spring approached and we were once again able to open the windows to let in the fresh air, in you flew and landed in my body this time. So I put on my boxing gloves and kicked some serious ASS. I went in strong and came out stronger. WHAM!!! BAM!!! POW!!! Sucks to be you Cancer!
But again and again, you are there, in my life, in the life of others. It may not be me, but you are there. In my subconscious. In my dreams. In my thoughts. In my breath. You took my friend's husband. You took a father to two growing boys. You took my friend's mother. You took a grand-mother to her loving grand-son. Again and again, you take and take and take. You are always creeping around, waiting. You slink and snake your way in others lives. And still there is nothing I can do. Cancer, you should be ashamed of yourself. You disgust me, always and forever will.
Cancer, I will end this letter simply with the following lyrics by a Kendrick Lamar song, "I hate you":
Let me start off this letter saying I don't like you
Scared of you, but I will fight you
I stare at the ceiling and think about you
Curiosity killing me, thinking of when I'ma meet you
You introduced yourself to so many others, mothers, sisters and brothers
Children and babies, drive me crazy, I wonder
Why you love people that love people that do right?
Is it rocket science to you, or is it just your type?
One of my biggest fears
is waking up four in the morning and gotta hear you met one of my peers
Or maybe a family member that you thought was cool
Or maybe a person that I'll never meet cause of you
You, son of a b**ch, and I wish you never existed
And I swear I'd blow your brains out if you paid me a visit
But that's not realistic, cause you'll never write
But I'ma still send this letter off, P.O. Box
and when you get it....please take it personal.
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