I'm thankful for....

I'm thankful for my health. Seems weird to some for me to say that especially thinking back at the year I just had. But I am. I am thankful that I am a solid, strong and healthy person which in turn helped me get threw my recent challenge of overcoming cancer. I am thankful that it wasn't worse. I am thankful that it was curable with the help of the right people behind me. I am thankful for my doctor who still went ahead and gave me a pap test even though I had just had one a year before and the new standards are every 3 years. Had it not been for her judgement call, taking into consideration my past and my concerns, my story could have turned down a different road. I am thankful for the nurses and doctors who took me into their hands, had patience with my hundreds of questions, my concerns on research I had done myself and who gave me the time in their offices that I needed to walk away informed and comfortable moving forward. I'm thankful for the healthcare system we do have even though we may be brought to complain about it anyway. I was given the opportunity to treatment and care without having to remortgage my house, without having to pull back on things for my kids and my family.

I am thankful for my friends. I have had the luck of being surrounded by such wonderful friends for as long as I can remember. My friends have gotten me through tough times and oh boy have we had good times. They've listened to me complain about stuff I probably shouldn't have complained about. They put up with my goofiness and my silly antics. They are beautiful inside and out and I couldn't imagine my life without each and every one of them. Whether small or big, they've all had their separate impacts on my life. I do have to make a special mention of three friends who've particularly left a mark (and not to take away from the many other friendships I've had and still have ):
Isabelle P., you've been in my life the longest of all my friends and to this day, I am still shocked that you didn't give up on me when I remember the large and thick walls I had built around me when I first walked into that new school in Quebec. I was angry, and distant, probably mean at times and yet you came, you stayed and fought to break down those walls. You had the determination of a circus trainer with a new wild lion. To this day, you are a constant in my life, we always have a good time no matter the distance between our homes and the frequency with which we see each other. It's always comfortable, safe and fun. Thank you my friend.
Melanie H., who left my life way too early and so suddenly. What a tragedy not only for me but for the world. You made every room you walked in a whole lot brighter and in my opinion, way more fun. What you brought to my life was that I learned that no matter what is happening, no matter how 'doom and gloom' you think it is, there IS a way of getting through it, that you will be OK and that humour does help get ya there. And boy did we laugh...I will never forget your smile, your strength and your love. When approaching a challenge or dark moment, I still ask myself: "how would Mel handle this one.....Thank you.
And Casey T., my dear Casey. You've just recently come into my life. So young, free, positive and funny. We got to know each other also when I had recently had some sad sad moments of losing 3 babies in that one year. And I don't know if it was the baby that was growing in you that gave me the hope that when some things go bad, there is always a light somewhere that can help you get through it. That light wasn't in me but in you and was shining on me all day with you sitting across from me. You shared with me the happiness you felt and it radiated on me and got me hooked on the person that is you. When I have something to share, I think of you first. When I want to laugh, I can count on you. When I need comfort and support, you somehow bring it with ease. When I just need a friend, you come to mind. With everything that you do bring to my life, man do I hope I can reciprocate in some way. You are fabulous my friend.

I am thankful for my family. This could go on and on but my sisters: nope, wouldn't be where I am without you. The three of you are the greatest gift, THE GREATEST GIFT ever. What more can I say. I love you with all that I am. My father, you gave me to courage and strength I needed in times of challenge. You knew exactly who I was, probably quite close to traits you have, and you knew the right things to say at the right times and moments in my life. I looked up to you and still do. Age doesn't determine when you need your parents or not and at 38, boy do I still need you. My cousins, my aunts, uncles, grand-parents, nieces, nephews. Thank you. You are part of me and because of you I have lovely and fun memories that I can always hold into when things go bad. My mother: I am at a loss...I love you. I love you. I love you. I miss you.....My husband, you are my heartbeat, my breath, my other half. We've been through good times, some challenging times but what I know is that I can't imagine a day, a moment, a future without you. Thank you especially for the level of support and strength you've brought to this last year. I would be in a way deeper and darker place if if it wasn't for you. I love you with every that I am. My kids.... again at a loss for words..... They are fabulous even when tough on me. They are sweet and beautiful even when I am tugging at the hairs in my head. I wanted you and need you. I look forward to seeing you become into what you will become. I hope I can give you what you need to get there. What I need you to know is that I am trying my best. My heart beats because of you two. I love you Julian. I love you Sophie.  My doggie, woof woof. Thank you for your snuggles. Woof.

I am thankful for my life. I have worked hard and have everything I could ever want. I have a home, friends, family, a good job, lots of things, stable health, a future. Really. I am the richest girl in the world with all that I have and all that surrounds me. This life is what I have. This life is what makes it all fit. It's what I hoped for and more. I am thankful for it all.

I could go on and on but before I lose all your interest, thank you!

XOXO

The not so nice stuff....

I'll start by saying that 'I don't have cancer'. I am trying to keep my mind focused on this statement without bringing me back to those stressful few months....but I have to focus on that statement while I face the new stuff, which every woman will have to face at some point: Menopause.

A work colleague and I recently attended an information session to learn all about menopause. This session was given by a registered nurse who works at the Women's Health Centre at the Ottawa Hospital Riverside Campus. She was fantastic, didn't stop talking for more than a second and seemed to know EVERYTHING there is to know about menopause....(picture a shocked and discouraged expression on my face at the end of the session though). My early arrival into this mystery phase of my life was surgically induced and therefore I was told could hit me harder than most (most go through a slow transition of 5 to 7 years, slowly adjusting to the symptoms). How hard can this be I thought to myself. All women go through it. So I'll be hot on occasion and not be able to have babies. Being a 'frozen' person on the best of days, I sang BRING IT ON. In a weird way, I sometimes wished I would have 'hot flashes'. And then my ovaries would stop functioning. News flash! I have none! And the big bonus....NO MORE monthly periods. So really, I thought it couldn't be that bad. I had accepted never having more children. I was looking forward to not being frozen all the time and need I express more happiness about no more periods? Seriously. Bring it on!

And now I eat my words....why is this not talked about more? Why is it the only thing we hear about menopause are the hot flashes? Did my mother try and communicate some of the other symptoms and I chose not to listen? Was I too busy laughing at the sight of her standing on the back deck mid-January in shorts and a tank with a big smile on her face? Is it because of the embarrassment about some of the other side effects of menopause?  Just like mental health, I think menopause needs to be a topic of conversation where women, as well as men become more informed about this epic and very transformative time in women's lives. We need to stand tall and not be shy about opening up about this. Yah! No periods. But now let's move on to the stuff that can literally change a person's life....

I won't go into detail in this post listing all the symptoms (still learning what they all are) but I will say it's not all about hot flashes. I will say that right now I am suffering greatly from one of the other symptoms not talked about. Sleep deprivation! Sounds simple? It's not. At the information session I attended, she made a comment that made me look at my colleague and say: I'm fucked! The Nurse said, and I quote: "It's a good thing that by the time 'most' women go through menopause, their children may be young adults and have most likely moved out of the house, and they may be approaching the end of their working careers or have already retired...". Great. I have some 20+ years of working outside of the home to go, have 2 young kids, both who are in hockey (all you hockey parents, or other activity, know how much time and energy is required to keeping that up) and have to stay healthy and sane through all of it, keep the house clean, children fed, homework done while learning to cope with this new 'glorious' time. It is making me miss the sleepless nights of breastfeeding an infant. At least then I was at home for a year, could lay down during the day and rest and did not have to maintain 'files' at work and be coherent. At least then during those exhausting wee-hours, while baby is latches to me, I could look down and be in awe of the miracle that was causing me to be OK with going about my day unshowered, dressed in leggings and not making sense when addressed (don't think that last sentence even makes any sense but I am sleep deprived people!).

The perk of having gone through the surgically induced menopause is that I have the privilege of being followed by a menopause specialist at the hospital. This is a perk that only certain women get to have, although it would come in handy for most. I am currently on an estrogen gel which I apply to the skin each and every day and will continue to do so until the age of close to 60. This should offer protection to my heart (heart disease being another side effect of menopause) as well as my bones (osteoporosis, yup also on the list). It is made to also help with what they call the 'quality of life' symptoms such as hot flashes, mood swings or depression, the sleeplessness and some of the negative sexual side effects (don't worry, I won't go into this one here - felt you all cringe). Currently we are trying to find the right dose of estrogen to help with the hot flashes and sleep. With one increase in dosage so far, I have seen a slight improvement with the hot flashes (not getting them every 20 minutes of so) but nothing yet on the sleep side of things. So for the next little while until we find a way to fix the lack of sleep, bare with me please. I may gaze off while you are speaking to me, ask you to repeat a few times, yawn at every few sentences (it's not out of boredom I promise). I will get there. I am trying different coping mechanisms. I am still the same Adèle. I just happen to be going through something that is a tad bit hard while maintaining my good rep at work which I worked so hard to earn, keeping my kids organized, fed and healthy and being happy. Honestly, right now success is arriving at work fully clothed, in shoes instead of slippers and perhaps looking a tad bit decent. Once again, thanks for listening. May you all have empty nests and be close to retirement when this happens to you. And men/women, please be patient and understanding of your spouses/partners during this delicate period. They will get through it with your support, understanding and love.

P.S. I highly recommend to all women and their spouses to attend this FREE information session given by the nurse specialist at the Riverside campus. It will open your eyes, perhaps depress you a tad bit, but at least will make you aware that what you are going through, or will go through, is normal, that you are not alone and that their are solutions to help.
http://www.ottawahospital.on.ca/wps/wcm/connect/0cd488804b25b21a8f65df1faf30e8c1/MIS+2013-14-e.pdf?MOD=AJPERES