Helllooooo

Here I am. Sorry for the hiatus. But no news is good news right? Well it is. I haven't had any developments in the health side of things since my last post. Well maybe a few but I'm here now so will explain.

On going issue...
I have had iron deficiency issues for years and years now and although I have been injesting copious amounts of iron pills, nothing is happening. My levels remain rock bottom low. We have tried a few things to perhaps help this iron absorbancy issue along the way but alas, nothing worked. So we have decided to go the route of iron injections. Last week was my first test dose to see how I would react.....all day, not so bad. Wake up at midnight with the most intense stomach pains and nausea. So pop the Gravol, wait thirty minutes for it to take its effect and then ahhhhhh, all better and now I can sleep. My doctor was shocked by my reaction seeing as i'd already been taking so much iron for years that she didn't seem to anticipate some of the side effects that some can have, i.e. nausea. So instead of sending me for my first full dose, sent me yesterday for a second test dose. Instead of waiting for the nausea wake-up, I went to bed with two Gravol in my body. I slept like a rock....but today, some nausea and well, almost passed out. So today is dizziness. Argh. Not a fun feeling. But thankfully the kids have both been dropped off at a birthday party so I can rest (after a tad bit of cleaning of course). I guess the lesson is to make sure I get my shots on Fridays so I can have the weekend to let the reactions happen and not be at work and have to have my co-workers pick me off the floor. I'll be getting an iron shot every two weeks for ten injections. Then we'll test my ferretin levels to see where they stand.

Music to my ears....
Thursday night of this past week, I had a wonderful experience that once again reminded me how lucky I am and how beautiful and rich my life is. My sister Camille, who works at the National Arts Center managed to get 4 tickets in row C to see the NAC Orchestra perform the music of Led Zeppelin. So the four Crôteau sisters met for a dinner at Le Café ahead of the performance and as usual, we giggled our way through dinner. And the show....OMG is pretty much all I can say about it. It was really really good. I am a fan of Zeppelin since I was at least 12 years old, but more so in my mid-teens where my room had posters of some album covers and had the music blaring from it's walls. They played so many tunes that brought back nothing but good memories. The arrangements were fantastic, the music went through my body and I found myself listening with the biggest grin on my face, not just because the music was great, but because there I was, sitting uber close to the stage with three of my favorite people in this world. Those are the moments you live for in life. Those are the moments we need to hang onto. Those are the moments that make us truly wealthy. Those are the moments that balance out all the not-so-good stuff we all have to go through at some point in life. Those are the moments that make everything OK. So going to the show was not just an experience to see a great orchestra perform some of my all time favorite tunes, it was an experience that made me feel like the luckiest gal out there regardless of what may be to come.

And now we wait....
For those wondering where things stand now, well we wait. The next appointment with the oncologist is June 6th where I will have a better idea of what lies ahead, whether it be treatments or not, and how to proceed with surgery. How do I feel about it all? Positive still, although I won't lie, the waiting is killing me and playing tricks on my mind, especially moments where I am not so busy or late at night while laying alone in the dark. Every ache makes me worry. I worry about whether after beating this one, whether something else would invade my body seeing as it now feels vulnerable. You always hear of 'so-and-so beat cancer #1 but died of cancer #2 that came years later'.  I worry about whether I am resting enough, too much, not taking the daily things the right way. As much as I want to remain in a state of normalcy, continue to proceed day by day the same as any other, I can't help but wish I could be home, taking things slow, resting up the body, resting up the mind, perhaps doing some yoga to keep the body somewhat strong and giving my kids and hubby my full energy and attention until this is all done. I am normal but I am not. My mind drifts a lot through the day, I don't feel I am proceeding to my full potential at work and those who know me know I don't like being mediocre. But I continue to try and hope to stay afloat. The bills need to be paid right.....sigh!

I'll update next after my appointment so stay tuned. Fingers crossed for nothing but good.

XOX

Being Taurus

Being a Taurus is quite great, especially in May. It means it's my birthday very soon. 38 and proud. I normally don't get thrilled or crazy about my birthday but for some reason, this year I am looking forward to it. Another year to celebrate with those I love. Why should we be scared or sad to climb one number higher on the age scale. I will squeal with each new number from this point on. That is my new measure of success. Another year means more hugs, more laughs, more time with friends and family, more time with my husband and kidlets (XOXO) and more time doing my best at enjoying all the beautiful things around me.

Back to being a Taurus.  According to one site, Tauruses are stable, balanced, conservative good, law-abiding citizens and lovers of peace, possessing all the best qualities of the bourgeoisie. Tauruses are gentle, even tempered, good natured, modest and slow to anger, disliking quarreling and avoiding ill-feeling. Equally unexpected are their occasional sallies into humor and exhibitions of fun. Another site says: Taurus is a Fixed Earth sign, ruled by Venus.  As the second sign in the zodiac, the Taurus individual is a stable, conservative, home-loving individual who will always make a loyal friend or partner.  So now for the bad...And oh yes, lest we forget, the Taurus individual is stubborn - the most stubborn of all the zodiac signs.  Once he forms an opinion, he is immovable, and nothing will change his mind. If they are provoked, however, they can explode into violent outbursts of ferocious anger in which they seem to lose all self-control.  LOL. You don't say. Stubborn? I didn't know about this aspect of my zodiac sign....well, maybe a touch, in certain circumstances, far and few between.....not convincing you aren't I. OK, OK so I am stubborn. Which is probably why after all my family's pleas to stay home the WHOLE week and rest up, I decided it was wise to head back to work on Wednesday, a mere 6 days after having surgery for removing cancer from my body. Why not. I felt good. I felt rested. I missed my co-workers. I felt I had a responsibility. Felt I had something to prove. Felt that some others have it worse and move on still. Felt guilty for laying so much in bed. Just felt ready....but like the saying goes: one step forward, two steps back. And two steps is what I have taken back. I lasted at work on Wednesday until 2pm. I should have left by noon had I been listening to my body (and parts of my brain telling me to go). I didn't though. So Wednesday night put me back where I started. Weak, exhausted, swollen, sore and in bed. Thursday, some of the same. Today, yup no change. So here I am at home still, sitting in my stretch pants (no moo-moo yet), my heated bean bag on my abdomen, warm coffee, Sarah McLachlan on the Bose and plans of resting up. As stubborn as I can be and thinking I can do it all, I am stepping back. I guess even Superwoman goes on the occasional vacay. So I look forward to this evening, having my lovely sister Julie cook me dinner, help with the kids and sleep over to keep me company and help out (and sure she is also coming to keep an eye on me and have her finger ready to wag in my direction should I try to do something more than I should be doing).

Sigh.....